So Far No Good

I once had a problem with a computer monitor. So I clled SONY and the customer rep listened to my problem and asked to go to the back og the computer. "There's a cable plugged in with a little box attached to it. Unplug the cable, pry open the box and tell me what you see." I did as she instrcuted and discovered a series of little switches flipped up or down. I described what i saw and she instrctucted me to switch one of the little aswitches that was up down. The she told me to plug the monitor back in and tell me what i saw.

It was fixed! Just like that.

Maybe I should expect more form machines and those who know how to operate them. These days I'm a bit more optimistic that most computer problems can be fixed with an educated eye on the lookout for wrong settings and other minor problems. I happened to apply this optimism to my ADD.

Once diagnosed, with my prescription of Concerta in hand, i expected the world to bloom and all to be right. It was for two and half days. I could hear, think, and even talk clearer (my hebrew reading improved astoundingly). but then it went away. After a few days and even after changing the dosage, my benefits seemed to be a quesitonable memory as I find myself puttering around, wasting time and feeling overwhelmed and underacheived.

I really believed it would work. I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow and I'm going to ask him to nuke my brain with stimulants. i need to get my work done. I haven't efficienctly worked for years -- perhaps my whole life.

Now that I know why, I just want to be normal.